April's Fool

1. Placed a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a men's room to make it appear someone was using the stall. It sat there for hours until someone called security to check if the person had died.

2. Sent a fake love note to a co-worker from another co-worker.

3. All the women in office individually spoke to the president, confiding that she is pregnant. By noon, he 'knew' that all of his female workers were pregnant and he could not tell anyone because each asked for confidentially.

4. Called the electric company, used a co-worker's name and told them he was moving so the electricity got turned off at the co-worker's house.

5. Filled the vending soda machine with cans of beer.

6. Rigged the boss' chair to drop suddenly during a staff meeting.

7. Placed a sign on the restroom door that read, "The company ran out of toilet tissue; please use your own resources."

8. Paged a co-worker over the loud speaker claiming the CEO was looking for him. The worker went into the CEOs office and the CEO didn't know who he was or why he was there.

9. Shrink-wrapped everything in a co-worker's cubicle.

10. Put a 'house for sale' ad in the newspaper regarding a co-worker's home.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded t o fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box o f pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything els e. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your
friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time
and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to
clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Please share this with someone you care about and I just did! (:

Friends Forever

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say & IM HOME!
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

True Horoscopes

Do we believe in Horoscopes?

No.

Horoscopes, for the most part, are for weird hippy women who own twenty plus cats and have weird, smelly herb gardens. Whether this is because they took too many drugs, or have congenital brain damage is something for science to figure out.

Meanwhile, the fact that anyone believes this hocus-pocus proves that people are, on the whole - stupid.

With that said, the Horoscopes presented below are 100% accurate.

HOROSCOPES

CAPRICORN

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

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AQUARIUS

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless and impractical Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk .

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PISCES

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses.

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ARIES

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice . You are a prick.

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TAURUS

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

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GEMINI

You are quick and intelligent, and a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However you are also a cheap bastard. Gemini's are liars, notoriously lousy lovers and thrive on incest.

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CANCER

You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.

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LEO

You-consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

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VIRGO

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

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LIBRA

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

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SCORPIO

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers.

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SAGITTARIUS

You are optimistic and overly enthusiastic You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you lot because you are always getting fucked.

Full of Hope: It's 2008!

Well, it's been long time since I last blogged. Welcome back guys and yeah, it's the beginning of the new year.

Thrown a little party at my house; gathered with closest and dearest friends, pouring Moët & Chandon (thanks William, we missed you) and let them abuse my DJ software. Must post the photos later.

There are so many things I wanted to write about; just that I don't have time to come here/login and start writing. I have my THEC (Teaching in Higher Education Certificate) essay to finish, tons of other craps to do but hey, it's new year, so why not give myself a little break today eh?

Meanwhile, I found really funny (and not so funny for kids though) names (probably for pornstars).

Males:
Ben Dover (the winner)
Dick Nasty(!)
Max Hardcore
Erik Everhard (mmmfff... hihi)

Females:
Boo D. Licious
Veronica Castro(!)
Pochahontas ("rumble in the jungle")

So what’s next “O’sana Been Laiddown” or “So'damn Hu'insane”?

Homer Simpson: - “Homer Simp... ehm... Max Power.”
Trent Steele: "Well, hey great name!"
Homer Simpson: - “Yep, I found it on the hairdryer.”